-Exercise is important, but jogging is for wimps. Plenty of exercise can be had leaping from bushes and kicking joggers in the head.
-Laughter is medicine. Ninjas practice the art of inappropriate laughter. Laughing when hearing about cancer also shows the Ninja's strength.
-Ninjas occasionally, without warning, stab friends with throwing stars. Life is random. Ninjas embrace this fact of life.
-Killing the wrong person happens. Ninjas know this. It's useless to live in the past.
-Fiber in your diet is important. Ninjas eat the shirt off a complete stranger's back at least once a week.
-Sex is extremely important to one's physical and mental health. Ninjas therefore fantasize about sex two, three, maybe seven times a day.
-Everyone knows yoga classes are filled with women. Ninjas prove their strength and impress the ladies by killing the yoga instructor.
-Samurais are the source of much stress for ninjas. They think they're soooooo cool with their armor and swords and those awesome helmets. It's in a Ninja's best interest not to think about such things.
-A strong handshake is a sign of good health and vigorous character. Ninjas therefore squeeze as tightly as possible and do not let go when shaking hands. Strong eye contact is also recommended.
-When eating the still beating heart of the enemy, Ninjas eat it all. There are starving Ninjas in Africa who don't have any hearts to eat.
-Cleanliness is next to Godliness. If Ninjas get ketchup stains on their outfit whilst eating out, they throw smoke pellets and disappear. Later, outside, they burn their outfits while screaming uncontrollably at the top of their lungs.
-Mind control is one of the Ninja's most powerful skills. Making small children give you money is not only hilarious, but quite lucrative, and therefore, healthy.
-It's good for Ninjas to treat themselves to Western pleasures occasionally. That's why there is nothing wrong with putting on a comfortable Ninja outfit, lighting some candles, and watching "Ninja Vixens: Virgin Nightmares."
-It is important for Ninjas not to be their own worst enemy. Therefore, Ninjas should be sure to practice proper dental care before wearing a face mask.
-Secrecy is of upmost importance to the Ninja's peace of mind. Not even the Ninjas' parents can know their identities. Not even if a Ninja still lives in the basement of his parents' house.
-Ninjas always ride shotgun. It's good for their sense of worth. If Ninjas are forced to sit in the back seat, remember they always carry garrotes.
